Resolving Conflicts. EAP Works. Ken Scroggs, LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

Transcription

1 Resolving Conflicts to Solve Problems EAP Works Ken Scroggs, LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC 1

2 Agenda 1. Defining Conflicts 2. Dealing with Anger 3. Thought Control, Ants 4. Anger & Your Brain 5. Managing Work Conflict 6. Work Policy for Anger Mgt. 7. Leader s Role 8. Tips for Managing Anger 9. Checklist for Conflict Resolution 10. Conflict Resolution Process 11. EAP Works can help Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

3 Conflict Defined, Webster* 1. Conflict (noun), Fight, Battle, War * 2. Conflict of interest, intransitive verb * 3. Latin, conflictus, the act of striking * 4. Mental struggle resulting from opposing needs, drives, wishes * 5. A struggle between two people based on individual needs or wants (mostly wants) to which they have become attached. Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

4 Conflict Defined, con. When people define a conflict based on their personal differences around their wants, ideas, beliefs or feelings the stage is set for a win/loose or loose/loose conversation. When feelings become involved most people avoid one another until their emotions build up and a heated conversation is expressed, conflict. Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

5 Conflict Redefined When conflicts are defined as opportunities to solve specific problems and we can examine our ideas and perceptions about the problem, then we can build stronger relationships and improve our work environment. It is important to emphasize the problem more than the personal issue. Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

6 Mental Fitness & Conflict 4 Ways to deal with Anger People use conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. 1. Expressing 2. Suppressing/Anger 3. Passive-aggressive 4. Calming/relaxation 1. Expressing Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

7 Ways to Deal with Anger 2. Suppressing 3. Calming Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

8 4. Passive-Aggressive Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

9 Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

10 Some Anger is Normal It is normal to get mad and acceptable to leave the workplace in order to calm down. Time out, Walk away Turn the other cheek Be the bigger person Let go and let God Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

11 Anger Drill 1. Disengage, time out signal 2. Time out place 3. Calm down by A. Counting 1 to 10 slowly B. Deep breathing C. Exercise, Walk 4. Re-engage to solve the specific problem or set a date to do so Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

12 Grow Up! Self Control Works! 1. Don t take things too personally 2. Seek first to understand and then to be understood. 3. Avoid topics of politics & religion, gossip, etc) 4. Respect authority 5. Seek clarification 6. Go the extra mile Is this our best behavior? Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

13 Personal Drama When is it okay to bring your personal drama to work? Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

14 Frequent Anger is Not Normal Kill the Ant Ant Automatic Negative Thoughts 1. Is it true? 2. Can I absolutely know that it is true? 3. How do I feel when I believe that thought? 4. Who would I be without that thought? Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

15 Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

16 Brain Health-Mental Fitness 1. Love your brain 2. Protect your brain 3. Stop poisoning your brain 4. Protect your memory Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

17 Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

18 Anger Work Policy Any anger must be expressed in a way that everyone agrees is in control. Any out of control anger will be considered unprofessional, threatening and abusive thereby unacceptable. EAP Works to help employees control anger as well as anxiety and depression, etc. Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

19 Managers and Supervisors Make the Difference When leaders continually motivate employees to solve problems, ie; discouraging gossip, profanity, and unprofessional behavior, many conflicts can be prevented. Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

20 5 Tips for Managing Conflict 1. What is the specific conflict about? 2. Define the problem 3. Who are the participants, identify their issues and positions 4. Understand the history 5. Explore possible power issues Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

21 Conflict Resolution Check List 1. Problem(s) must be well defined 2. Identify the source of the problem, externally & internally A. What outcome are you attached to? B. Specifically what does the conflict cause you to think and feel? 3. Know what you need to resolve the conflict? Data, facts, history, expectations, plan of action, an apology 4. Are you open to accepting alternative solutions? 5. Are you willing to make changes and accommodations? 6. How will you hold yourself accountable to make changes? Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

22 Problems to avoid 1. Lack of commitment 2. Sabotage 3. Participants unwillingness to define issues and/or solve problems 4. Know what to keep confidential, avoid gossip 5. Determine that all parties can deliver 6. Unsafe/distracting environment that does not support communication Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

23 Rules of engagement for conflict resolution 1. Each person agrees in advance to find an acceptable outcome 2. Each person agrees to be open and honest 3. Each person will state their point(s) to be heard 4. Each person will listen to each other without argument or negative reactions (including negative body language) 5. Opinions and feelings must be supported by facts and specific behavior 6. Focus on identifying and resolving the problem(s) 7. Accept (consider) resolution and clarify specific roles Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

24 Conflict resolution exercise and individual preparation 1. Individually decide on a work problem and the conflict(s) involved with it 2. Define the problem as simply as possible and the people involved 3. What outcome(s) would be best for the organization, your department, and you? 4. What compromises are acceptable and what actions would be deal-breakers? 5. Look for win-win options Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

25 Conflict Resolution Exercise, The Meeting 1. The first party acknowledges the conflict, states the problem and a solution with specific facts (and feelings when necessary) 2. The second party asks for clarification if necessary and accepts the first party s solution to the problem or offers a solution for resolving the problem 3. The first party accepts the second party s solution or offers another solution 4. Repeat 2 & 3 until an acceptable agreement is reached 5. The solution is accepted and measurable agreements are made to discuss at a date(s) in the future Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

26 Conflict Resolution Exercise, Steps in The Meeting 1. You are the first party and must list who the players are in the conflict? (one player for the exercise) 2. The first party states the problem and the solution 3. The second party accepts solution or offers another solution 4. The first party accepts the second party s solution or offers another solution 5. Repeat step 3 & 4 until an acceptable agreement is reached 6. When the solution is accepted a measurable agreement is made to discuss at a future date(s) Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

27 More steps for Conflict Resolution 1. Stop and take a break when feelings overcome thinking 2. If you get stuck mark your place and schedule another meeting 3. Review final agreement, expectations, action plans for clarity 4. Set a date to review this agreement(s) Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

28 EAP Works Providing Mediation 1. Provides an objective third party 2. Ensures everyone is heard 3. Acknowledges differences and diversity 4. Enhances problem solving while sharing controlled feelings 5. Helps to slow things down or stop to take a break when necessary 6. Explores alternative solutions, positive compromises, resolution 7. Encourages measurable expectations, outcomes, due dates 8. Helps hold people accountable to agreements Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

29 Individual Coaching To enhance mediation, coaching helps to a) Clarify the problem & create a strategy with multiple issues b) Break the problem down into presentable issues How do you eat an elephant, one bite at a time. c) Defuse some of the emotional tension d) Focus on desired outcome(s) e) Clarify acceptable compromises as well as deal breakers Individual coaching sessions help prepare for mediation sessions Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC

30 Resolving Conflicts to Solve Problems For free confidential counseling and referrals call EAP Works, or Ken Scroggs LPC, LCSW, LMFT, CEAP, DCC