KISS!!! Chapter 6 Phase 3: Revising Business Messages. OST 2336 Agenda: June 11, Revise for. Guffey s 3-x-3 Writing Process

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OST 2336 Agenda: June 11, 2012 Collect Homework/Review Tests & Grades. Ch. 6: Revising Business Messages Analyzing a Poorly Written Letter Taco Bell Case Study BREAK Ch.

6, Slide 1 Guffey s 3-x-3 Writing Process Prewriting Writing Revising Analyze Anticipate Adapt Research Organize Compose Edit Proofread Evaluate Revise for ness: Time is money.

6, Slide 4 ness: Eliminate Flabby Expressions ness: Limit Long Lead-ins (unnecessary introductory words) Wordy at this point in time due to the fact that in very few cases despite the fact

1 OST 2336 Agenda: June 11, 2012 Collect Homework/Review Tests & Grades. Ch. 6: Revising Business Messages Analyzing a Poorly Written Letter Taco Bell Case Study BREAK Ch. 7 Handouts Project Research PR 1 due by end of class Wikis (will visit with each group) Hand out Test 2. Chapter 6 Phase 3: Revising Business Messages Ch. 6, Slide 1 Guffey s 3-x-3 Writing Process Prewriting Writing Revising Analyze Anticipate Adapt Research Organize Compose Edit Proofread Evaluate Revise for ness: Time is money. Clarity: Your message is pointless if not clear. Readability: Is it inviting, easy to read, and organized? KISS!!! Ch. 6, Slide 3 Ch. 6, Slide 4 ness: Eliminate Flabby Expressions ness: Limit Long Lead-ins (unnecessary introductory words) Wordy at this point in time due to the fact that in very few cases despite the fact that feel free to now because seldom although please Wordy This is to inform you that Monday is a holiday. I am writing this letter because Professor John Donnellan suggested that your organization was hiring. Monday is a holiday. Professor John Donnellan suggested that your organization was hiring. Ch. 6, Slide 5 Ch. 6, Slide 6 1

ness: Drop Unnecessary Opening Fillers (there is/are and it is/was) ness: Replace Redundancies (expressions that repeat meaning or include unnecessary words) Wordy There are over 50 visitors who

An unused computer was in the back office. The sequence of events is certainly inspiring.

6, Slide 8 ness: Purge Empty Words In the case of General Motors, the car company was reorganized. We are aware of the fact that many managers need assistance.

2 ness: Drop Unnecessary Opening Fillers (there is/are and it is/was) ness: Replace Redundancies (expressions that repeat meaning or include unnecessary words) Wordy There are over 50 visitors who commented on her blog. There was an unused computer in the back office. It is certainly an inspiring sequence of events. Over 50 visitors commented on her blog. An unused computer was in the back office. The sequence of events is certainly inspiring. Redundant exact same past history serious danger new innovation my personal opinion exact or same past or history danger new or innovation my opinion Ch. 6, Slide 7 Ch. 6, Slide 8 ness: Purge Empty Words In the case of General Motors, the car company was reorganized. We are aware of the fact that many managers need assistance. When it arrived, I deposited your check immediately. (Obviously, the check arrived.) Clarity: Avoid Indirect and Pompous Language Wordy and Unclear It would not be inadvisable for you to affix your signature at this point in time. Here are implements that are necessary for the job to be completed in a satisfactory manner. Clear You should sign now. Here are tools to do the job satisfactorily. Ch. 6, Slide 9 Ch. 6, Slide 10 Clarity: Dump Trite Phrases (worn-out expressions) Clarity: Drop Clichés (overused expressions) Trite pursuant to your request please do not hesitate to thank you in advance enclosed please find Improved as you requested please thank you enclosed easier said than done first and foremost think outside the box shoot from the hip Ch. 6, Slide 11 Ch. 6, Slide 12 2

Clarity: Drop Slang Clarity: Unbury Verbs in the pipeline down the

consideration to reach a conclusion that create a reduction in

intensifiers such as definitely, quite, completely, extremely,

Excessive Exuberance We actually are very sure they do not totally

Businesslike We are sure they do not Readability: Enhance White

sentences Write short paragraphs Set effective margins Ch.

5-inch Margins Readability: Use Ragged-Right Margins Result How to

3 Clarity: Drop Slang Clarity: Unbury Verbs in the pipeline down the totem pole blowing the budget getting burned Buried Verbs give consideration to reach a conclusion that create a reduction in make a decision about take action Unburied Verbs consider conclude reduce decide act Ch. 6, Slide 13 Ch. 6, Slide 14 Clarity: Control Exuberance Avoid excessive use of intensifiers such as definitely, quite, completely, extremely, really, and totally) to sound businesslike. Excessive Exuberance We actually are very sure they do not totally agree with our decision. Businesslike We are sure they do not agree with our decision. Readability: Enhance White Space Add headings Include bulleted or numbered lists Use short sentences Write short paragraphs Set effective margins Ch. 6, Slide 15 Ch. 6, Slide 16 Readability: Use 1 to 1.5-inch Margins Readability: Use Ragged-Right Margins Result How to set margins Aligns text at left margin and creates a ragged-right margin Ragged-right margins provide more white space and improve readability. Ch. 6, Slide 17 Ch. 6, Slide 18 3

4 Readability: Use Appropriate Typefaces Readability: Use Appropriate Font Consider sans serif for headings, signs, and material that does not require continuous reading (for example, Arial). Consider serif for body font (for example, Times New Roman). Notice that serif typefaces have small features at the ends of strokes. Use 10- to 12-point font for most body text. For special effects consider: CAPITALIZATION SMALL CAPS Boldface Italic Underline Ch. 6, Slide 19 Ch. 6, Slide 20 Readability: Use Parallel Construction Parallel Expression Not Parallel The task force recommends buying a software license, creating software usage policies, and the benefits of the software should be demonstrated. Parallel The task force recommends buying a software license, creating software usage policies, and demonstrating the benefits of the software. Not parallel: Parallel: Not parallel: Parallel: We can collect information, store it, and it can also be updated. We can collect, store, and update information. She is conscientious, a hard worker, and pays attention to detail. She is conscientious, hard-working, and detailoriented. Ch. 6, Slide 21 Ch. 6, Slide 22 Readability: Use Numbered Lists to Show Sequence During the hiring process, follow these steps: 1. Examine the application. 2. Interview the applicant. 3. Check the applicant s references. Readability: Use Bulleted Lists to Highlight Consumers expect the following information at product Web sites: Price Quality Performance Availability Ch. 6, Slide 23 Ch. 6, Slide 24 4

5 Readability: Add Headings for Quick Comprehension Proofreading Complex Documents The company needs to focus attention in three key areas: Attracting applicants. We need to analyze where and how we advertise for applicants. Specifically, online job boards Interviewing applicants. We should consider adding simulated customer encounters to the process. Simulated Checking references. We should consider contacting all references, not just former employers. Currently, the Print a copy, preferably double-spaced. Set it aside and take a breather. Allow adequate time for careful proofing. Expect errors and congratulate yourself when you find them. Read the message at least twice once for meaning and once for grammar and mechanics. Reduce your reading speed and focus on individual words. Ch. 6, Slide 25 Ch. 6, Slide 26 (p.181) Revise the following sentence to eliminate flabby expressions: Despite the fact that we lost the contract, we must at this time move forward. BETTER: Although we lost the contract, we must move forward. Revise the following sentence to eliminate long lead-ins: This message is to let you know that I received your and its attachments. BETTER: I received your and its attachments. Ch. 6, Slide 27 Ch. 6, Slide 28 Revise the following to avoid unnecessary there is/are and it is/was fillers: There are many businesses that are implementing strict policies. BETTER: Many businesses are implementing strict policies. Revise the following to avoid redundancies: Because the proposals are exactly identical, we need not check each and every item. BETTER: Because the proposals are identical, we need not check each item. Ch. 6, Slide 29 Ch. 6, Slide 30 5

6 Revise the following to eliminate empty words/obvious statements: He scheduled the meeting for 11 a.m. in the morning. BETTER: He scheduled the meeting for 11 a.m. Revise the following to eliminate trite business expressions: As per your request, we will no longer send you e- mail offers. BETTER: As you request, we will no longer send you offers. Ch. 6, Slide 31 Ch. 6, Slide 32 Revise the following to avoid confusing slang, clichés, and wordiness: Although our last presentation bombed, we think that beyond the shadow of a doubt our new presentation will fly. BETTER: Although our last presentation failed, we are sure our new one will be well received. Revise the following to unbury the verbs: Ms. Nelson gave an appraisal of the home s value. BETTER: Ms. Nelson appraised the home s value. Ch. 6, Slide 33 Ch. 6, Slide 34 Ch. 7: Electronic Messages and Digital Media SCAN the following: Zooming In, p. 188, 200, 212 Checklists, p. 195, 211 Chapter Summary, p. 213 Setting up a Wiki Homework: Due June 18, 2012 Complete Taco Bell Case Study. Complete 6.1, 6.2, 6.3, 6.4, 6.5, 6.6, 6.7, 6.8, 6.9 (only a ). Read Ch. 8: Positive Messages. Ch. 6, Slide 38 Ch. 6, Slide 39 6

Chapter 6 Revising Business Messages

Chapter 6 Revising Business Messages Topics in This Chapter Revising Tips Designing Documents for Readability How to Proofread Documents Proofreading Marks for Digital and Hard-Copy Documents How to Evaluate